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Life 101 For the Young and Young at Heart! Book Excerpt
Lesson 1. Stop blaming others for your shortcomings and failings in life. Why should you do this? What ever happened in the past is not a prediction of what will happen in the future. Take control of you, your thoughts, and your actions, so you may do something positive about your future life circumstances. What happened? There have been situations where people stepped, and even stomped me to the ground, both mentally and physically. It was not until evaluating why this was happening when an epiphany happened, a clarity I never had before; I was allowing these negative people and things to occur in my life. All the time, blaming others for their words and actions, and then the truth hit me like a ton of bricks. If I did not want others to take advantage of me, then I should remove myself from their presence, either mentally or physically. It is hard to say this to someone, more so to children who have no control over their circumstances, but then again, maybe they actually do have control to some extent. Talking to their teachers, extended family, or neighbors, calling the police or child services for help is a start. How do you convey to anyone that he has the power to do anything if he does not have a strong mind and willing heart? Control your life from within yourself-it is that simple. If you do not believe you have control, then remove yourself physically from the situation. If you must remain in a situation, then cut off negative people and their actions in your mind; find a way to drown them out, as if you were tuning out commercials when watching television. When bonus time had arrived, I overheard our supervisor telling our manager to exclude my job function from the bonus pool by transferring it to another department. Some people are mean spirited, and you cannot help them, just pray for them. I did not receive a bonus that year, allowing our supervisor to receive an even larger bonus. Everyday, as I passed our supervisor in the halls I would repeat this to myself, "You mean absolutely nothing to me, and this is only a stepping stone on the way to a greater life that God has promised me." I could not change what happened but I could change my response. Convincing myself that it was a learning opportunity, one that would make me more humble, to learn not to react negatively to others, to learn how to ignore some people and things, and to look forward to a better future. Take this truth to the next step, and you release blame and not allow it to consume your life by dwelling on its negativity but go on to take control of your life and actions to make you a better person. How do you do this? Changing the blame from them to me by questioning myself as to what I was doing to deserve this. Thinking it must be something I did. When I answered the question, I realized I was not doing anything. Therein laid the problem of who was responsible. Questioning, allowed me to evaluate other options I could use to change my circumstances. The options were to remove myself from the situation or stick to it but change my perspective. Instead of hoping for people or the circumstances to change, which were unreliable anyway, take the steps necessary to circumvent the problem. Never try to change a person. Offering suggestions may help, but ultimately I have control over my destiny, rather than the molds others have set for me. Lesson 58. Success is the best revenge! Why should you do this? To the naysayer, to all those who said you wouldn't amount to anything. To all those who treated you as if you wouldn't amount to anything. To all those who acted as if you wouldn't amount to anything. To those who acted as if they were better than you were. To those who thought they were better than you were. To those who mistreated you in anyway. To all those who boasted to you about themselves or their belongings. To all those who thought they were more beautiful or handsome than you were. To those who disrespected you in any form. To anyone who had an ounce of animosity towards you for no apparent reason. To those who got the better of you on a day when you were down and out. To those who kicked you while you were down and out. To those who tried their hardest to make your life a living hell. To those who abused you in any form-SUCCEED! What happened? We have not reached the pinnacle of success, but we are definitely on our way through the goals we have established for ourselves, and continue to accomplish. In terms of education, family, friends and financial independence, we suppose, we have surpassed many of the individuals we have had the misfortune of meeting and who were previously mentioned. Intuition tells us this has created even more animosity towards us because we did not focus on them but on the goals and dreams, we have planned and have tediously pursued. The purpose of any naysayer, otherwise known as "dream busters," is to take the spirit from those they encounter, and by not giving them the satisfaction, you are already ahead of the game. How do you do this? Whatever goals you have for yourself complete them no matter how stellar the performance might be, if the journey is on the road to success then do so, remembering that no dream is too big for reality. Take those steps in your life to enhance not only who you are as a person but also those around you. When the naysayer, hears of your success, he will have to, if only for a moment, reflect on how his behavior has had an impact on your life and who got the better of the experience. If success is not for you, then let it be for them-your motivation. Caren A. Adams is a freelance writer and author of "Life 101 For the Young and Young at Heart!" ISBN 1-59457-835-4 (also in e-book format) at bookstores, http://www.booksurge.com and http://www.amazon.com mailto: [email protected] http://www.booksurge.com/product.php3?bookID=GPUB00869-00001
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