|
|
| Writing Information |
|
|
|
|
I Am Biodegradable - My Writing Is Not
My dad was wrong. I just discovered that I am good for nuthin' after all. In fact I've been good for nuthin' all along. I am 100% biodegradable and that means I can be recycled into nuthin'. It also means that no matter how much I waste, no matter how much I consume, no matter how much I pollute, in the end I am environment-friendly. Best of all, I now have an end use. Now that's something to put on my resume! This comes as particularly good news to somebody who is not sure what his purpose is. Sometimes I write these humor columns, pretending to be funny. Sometimes people even laugh, and I worry that it might be the start of an ominous trend. Sometimes I am selling my happiness book, pretending to be a successful author. With 2,000 copies of my book keeping the floor from floating upwards, perhaps I AM successful. Levitating floors are generally not considered signs of success in this part of the country. Sometimes I am optimizing websites for search engine rankings. "What exactly does that mean?" I am often asked. "Well...it means that I get my clients' site high up in the searches." Blank stare. I try again. "It means that I help Google show you my clients' web sites. Blank stare. "Well...I'm not sure how to explain it. But I get paid to do it." People understand that. "I turn on a machine that defluctuates the turbo-rotating modulator down at the spare parts plant," someone adds. "What exactly does that mean?" I ask. "Beats me. But I get paid to do it." We are soulmates. Sometimes I write for pay, because people seem to want something written. They hope that if they can't say it themselves, I might be able to find just the right words. "C'mon, David. You have lots of words. Why don't you lend me some? Why, just last week you promised to 'defenestrate' me, whatever that means." They want me to put their thoughts into words, and occasionally they want me to create their thoughts. I worked for a politician years ago. I vaguely remember how to write somebody else's thoughts before he knew he had them. "So what do you write?" "Web site copy, mostly." "Really? Not another book?" "No, I still have 2,000 copies of the last book piled up in my office." "I'm sure they'll sell quickly, David." "Really? Want one?" "Uh...gotta go. It's time for my pet goldfish's nap." I also write this humor column faithfully every week. But people actually PAY me to write website copy. Now, dear reader, answer me this question. Would you rather be reading this hilarious column, loaded with frosting and topped with chocolate syrup, or would you rather read plain vanilla website copy. OK, go ahead and read the website copy, then. See if I care. One thing my website copy and this column have in common is that they are not biodegradable. Remember how computers would save the environment as they replace the three gazillion tones of paper we trash every few hours in offices around the world and elsewhere? Now we discover that all that paper at least was biodegradable, recyclable, reusable. It wasn't all that bad for the environment, after all. But the monitor you are reading this on will last forever. (SFX: evil laughter) Adventure seekers from the planet Zorgoppppt will land here in the year 2304 and discover all these abandoned monitors scattered around. One Zorgopppptian will say to the other, "prrg, ddyte h hthp oooo djudu" (Translation: "Groovy paper weights!") But they won't find me, thanks to my lifetime achievement. I'll be long gone, because I am (chest swells with pride) biodegradable. About The Author David Leonhardt is biodegradable and happy at: http://www.thehappyguy.com He is author of Inspiration & Motivation To Go: http://www.thehappyguy.com/l/daily-motivation-inspiration.php The Get Happy Workbook: http://www.thehappyguy.com/happiness-work-book.html and Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness: http://www.thehappyguy.com/happiness-self-help-book.html To write your website copy, newsletter or award winning biodegradable cereal box copy, email him at: [email protected]
|
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Keeping a Journal - One of the Three Treasures to Leave Behind (excerpted from the "How to Use a Journal" audio series by Jim Rohn) Freelance Feast or Famine? Sometimes a freelance writing career can feel very much like "feast or famine". 14 Tips On Writing The Short-Short Story The short-short story has been likened by some as being closer to writing a poem than a story. And that makes sense-every word has to be packed with power; every line has to move the story along. Ghostwriting - Making Money by Being Invisible My bookcase take up one whole wall in the family room, from floor to ceiling. It shows my eclectic reading tastes... fiction, non-fiction, Harry Potter next to murder mysteries and metaphysical literature. Also there are books I've written for the business sector - on negotiation, writing letters, communication skills, real estate sales and a lot more. The business books, however, have other people's names on them. I'm merely the ghostwriter. A Mode of Transportation Great writing transports one vicariously to realms that the reader would not otherwise experience. COULD YOU (not) REPEAT THAT PLEASE? I recently read a book where everything was akimbo.� Arms were akimbo, legs were akimbo.� Akimbo appeared on every page.����� ����� Okay every page is a slight exaggeration, but akimbo was in every chapter more than once.� I started thinking of the hero in the book as Adam West's posturing Batman persona.����� ����� Every writer is guilty of the akimbo type of repetitiveness once in awhile.� Most of the time we're not even aware that we're echoing ourselves.����� ����� How do these unconscious akimbo dittos creep into our work?� The English language is so rich with descriptors, why would we rob our manuscripts of the warmth and color that this richness brings to our work?� Simply put -- we're lazy.� ����� ����� When the afore mentioned writer was feverishly scribbling away on her book, she arrived at a moment when her character took a stance, and the first word that popped into her head was akimbo.� Writing akimbo was easier than it would be to stop the flow of her writing and come up with a different way of saying akimbo.� The only problem is instead of going back to edit out ninety percent of the akimbos, she left them in and it became a distraction to the reader (and humorous to me, which I'm sure wasn't her intention).����� ����� Don't let yourself get lazy.� Go through your work and get rid of repetitive words.� Especially if they're words like akimbo that are not used in everyday conversation.����� ����� If you need help, go to the Georgetown Linguistics website and use their frequency index tool (see the web address below).� Copy your text into the box provided and click on the "Do it!" button.� This website will give you a list of every word and how many times it was used in your manuscript.� ����� ����� I would suggest (and this is just my opinion) that if you discover that you've used akimbo more than twenty-nine times, get rid of all but one of them.����� ����� By the way akimbo appears 13 times in this passage.� Annoying wasn't it! Through the Eyes of an Artist As writers, we initially tend to be either more cerebral or emotional than perceptive. Its occurs to me that writers are driven to express what they actually haven't figured out how to say verbally, but long to say somehow. Then, we at least have the struggle down on paper where we can move it around, erase it, start over and add to it. Seeing the words will perhaps give us a better chance of revising to something close to what we want to say. Be A Savvy Writer: Go Where The Business Is If you're a writer, you're in business. It doesn't matter whether you're writing picture books, or a self-help book for underachievers, or promotional material and flyers for anyone who wants it... YOU'RE IN BUSINESS. Become the Writer You Always Dreamed of Being So you want to be a writer, except you don't know where to begin. Heck you can't even think of something to write about let alone how you're going to get paid for writing. Maybe you have gotten over those humps but can't figure out why you're not a successful, awarding winning writer yet. Well, here are several tips to get you through all of those problems and then some. How to Get Free Publicity in In-flight Magazines If you're targeting an educated, more affluent audience with your message, and your topic is a good fit, in-flight magazines can be one of your best publicity tools. How to Use Textpad to Write Articles Faster It's a good idea to use TextPad because all opt-in ezine publishers want your articles without any formatting. Also, for any email exchange, you need to put your article in the body of the email, not an attachment.� Most Online readers who don't know you will not open your email, and people who do know you want it this faster, easier way. The ENTP Inventor Writes A Novel People familiar with the Myers-Briggs Personality test know that the writer is the INFJ. This person is introverted, intuitive, feelings-oriented and judgmental. Pairs/Groups Of Words Often Confused - Part 3 of 6 ELICIT, ILLICIT How To Build A Successful Freelance Editorial Career In the current job market, many editorial freelancers have turned to freelance work as a matter of survival. I receive many queries from applicants regarding this part of the market. Addressed here are the key building blocks necessary for a successful freelance career. Writing Tips for your Journey Tips for your writing journey Review In 29 Steps Plus One I just finished to read a book. A story for kids (yes, I like them), interesting, told with participation and sometimes irony. 7 Book Publicity Tips for Authors and Small Publishers The biggest mistake authors make when trying to get free publicity is pitching either themselves or their books. Water to Swim In Not long ago, I took stock of my unrealized desire to be a published writer, or maybe I should I say �??Writer�?? with a capital �??W.�?? For some reason it always seemed a lofty goal, to want to see my byline in print. I found this trepidation totally uncharacteristic to every other area in my life. For twenty years, I have ministered to women both in small home group settings as well as conferences. Especially in conference settings, friends would ask, �??Are you nervous?�?? Almost every time I could answer truthfully that I was not. I could easily stand up in front of hundreds of faces and feel quite confident in my own abilities. Yet, to put an article or query in the mail, or to push the send button to some unknown editor elicited in me, absolute, consuming insecurity. Inspiring the Poet in You! Poems. Just the mention of them makes me smile. Why? Simple. I delight in writing and reading poetry. Italics Part 2 - Using Italics to Show Thoughts Way back in your early school years, you were probably taught to use the tag "he thought" in your stories, to tip readers off that someone was thinking. If you substituted something more innovative, like "he pondered" or "Harry deliberated", you might even have scored a big red tick.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2005 |