Weight Loss Information from experts |
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Serious Dieting Tips, Humorous Explanations
A few months ago, I set out to lose 22.6 pounds, then to put back on at least half of it. Huh? Anybody who's ever found herself stuck on a yo-yo diet is probably thinking that I am either crazy or planning way too hard for the inevitable yo-yo heartaches. However, my plan is more sneaky than that. First, I want to lose this rubber tire I've been carrying around my waist. Have you ever gotten stuck inside a rubber tire? It's not a pretty site. Then, I want to put back some of that weight in the form of muscle. It's my grand master plan to change my shape from looking like a silly pear to looking like an upside down silly pear. Will it work? I think I have the "silly" part figured out. And so far, I have lost14.6 pounds, but I think I really lost a few more, because I have been getting ahead of schedule on adding those muscle pounds. I would love to tell you what my weight is now, but that's very private information. Why should it be so private? I am not 100% certain, but I believe it is so that people can easily move between Earth and the Moon without being detected by hidden scales. (Why people keep their age private is the subject of my column on aging gracefully at http://www.thehappyguy.com/aging-gracefully.html .) While there is more to healthy dieting than a few tips, these ten dieting tips should help you laugh away a few pounds (What a great way to lose!). Hint: the tips are serious; the explanations are not. Tip #1: Never eat before bed. This is just common sense. It is so much more fun to eat IN bed. Tip #2: Bake, don't fry. This is also common sense. Baking allows you to retain more friendships. When you bake in the sun, you get a nice tan and go for a dip in the pool to cool off with your friends. But when you fry, you get a sunburn and don't dare go in the shower for a week...which scares your friends away. Tip #3: Drink plenty of water before meals. This will help you eat less during the meal. After all, few people can over-eat consistently while rushing off to the bathroom. Tip #4: Don't taste-test while you cook. Many cooks taste their dishes several times while cooking to make sure the flavor is just right. Over a lifetime, the typical cook who takes such measures will put on 13.4 pounds. Worse still, tasting your cooking in advance deprives you of entertaining facial scrunches when your family tastes your untested recipes. (Remember that laughter is a great way to burn calories?) Tip #5: Don't eat what your kids leave behind. Admit it, after your kids leave the table, you gather up the food they leave behind. You just can't bear to throw it away because you know that it's enough to feed a small, famished African country. So you eat a "second supper" out of guilt. How can you be so heartless?! Send the leftover food to that small, famished African country. Tip #6: Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are not all that bad for you, if you eat them in moderation. But stay away from those dreaded peanut butter and jellyfish sandwiches. Tip #7: Blot your pizza to remove 17% of the saturate fats. If you blot it really well, you can remove 100%. Of course, an empty plate might require a spicier sauce... Tip #8: No snacking in front of the TV. Get up. Right now. No snacking in front of my TV. I don't want crumbs on my living room carpet. Tip #9: Schedule your exercise. It's true, if you don't schedule it, your exercise will get pushed aside by things you do schedule. I suggest scheduling it during office meetings, dental appointments and reality TV shows. You wouldn't want to miss anything important, would you? Tip #10: This is a good one. Why, because #10 on any top-ten list is always a good one. Ten is a great number. So tip #10 is to celebrate every ten pounds lost by preparing a triple chocolate double-dip cheesecake supreme ice cream parfait deluxe. Go ahead and drool. You deserve it. And if you think preparing it is fun, just wait until you lose another 50 pounds ... and have permission to actually eat it. I hope these tips help you. On a serious note, most people will lose a significant amount of weight if they follow these ten tips along with watching their calories according to any popular healthy dieting plan. Well...almost. You might not want to follow tip #6. You will probably lose fewer pounds eating jelly than you would eating jellyfish. About The Author David Leonhardt writes about happy thoughts at http://www.TheHappyGuy.com , positive thinking at http://www.TheHappyGuy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html and tearing down your house at http://www.thehappyguy.com/home-improvement-project.html ... so why not write about dieting?
MORE RESOURCES: Scientific breakthrough to prevent negative side effects of weight loss drugs like Ozempic The Independent Why maker of ‘magic’ weight-loss drug semaglutide wants copies banned The Indian Express Chrissy Metz Weight Loss TODAY Woman drops from 71 kg to 52 kg 'without gym with home workout'; take her 7-day fat-burning challenge for weight loss Hindustan Times Weight loss plans are less effective for many Black women − because existing ones often don’t meet their unique needs The Conversation Blake Shelton's Weight Loss Journey: Shocking 20 Pounds Lost in Just Months! Universitat de Barcelona Stranded Sunita Williams rubbishes deteriorating health ‘rumours’ amid severe weight loss claims Hindustan Times Stranded NASA astronaut Sunita Williams speaks out about concerns over her weight loss in space New York Post Amgen Rebounds. But Do Eli Lilly And Viking Therapeutics Now Have The Upper Hand? Investor's Business Daily Healthy low-carb diet and time-restricted eating improve weight loss and gut health beyond calorie restriction News-Medical.Net Exclusive | NASA monitoring second stranded astronaut's possible weight loss as Sunita Williams insists she's fine New York Post Olfactive Biosolutions Begins Production of Patented GLP-1/GIP Weight Loss and Blood Sugar Reduction Supplement Business Wire Venom Helped Create Weight-Loss Drugs. What Else Could It Do For Us? The New York Times Treatment with tirzepatide in adults with pre-diabetes and obesity or overweight resulted in sustained weight loss and nearly 99% remained diabetes-free at 176 weeks Investors | Eli Lilly and Company Weight Loss Drug Curbs Appetite, Burns Energy, Skips Side Effects Genetic Engineering & Biotechnology News Brianna Chickenfry reveals ‘f–king crazy’ weight loss after Zach Bryan breakup, abuse claims Page Six Cincinnati CBP discovers more unapproved weight loss drugs Customs and Border Protection New weight loss drug target burns energy and lowers appetite—without the nausea and vomiting Medical Xpress Weight-loss drugs could help treat alcohol addiction WNYT NewsChannel 13 Gura's weekly amylin obesity asset well-tolerated, tied to weight loss in phase 1 trial Fierce Biotech Wegovy Lawsuit Indicates Ileus, Gallstones, Other Side Effects Caused by Weight Loss Drug AboutLawsuits.com How weight loss drugs took over Instagram Financial Times Popular diabetes and weight-loss drug may reduce risk of Alzheimer’s disease The Daily | Case Western Reserve University Dangers of weight loss copycat drugs FOX 26 Houston FDA adds warning to Ozempic, Wegovy The Dallas Morning News MUSC involved in study on device that caused 'statistically significant weight loss' Medical University of South Carolina '1000-LB Sisters' Tammy Slaton Praised For 'Killing It' After Another Weight Loss Milestone The Blast Bhad Bhabie's Mom Claps Back At Rumors Her Daughter Faked Cancer Diagnosis: 'How Dare You?' Women's Health The Best Cardio Machine for Weight Loss, According to an Expert Eat This, Not That 9 Exercises Men Should Avoid for Weight Loss Eat This, Not That NASA's Sunita Williams opens up about alarming weight loss photos from space in her latest video The Times of India Amgen Shares Drop 7% as Early Trial Data On Weight Loss Drug Raises Safety Concerns, Sparking... MSN Medical weight loss is not about quick fixes – doctor Primedia Plus Buyer Beware: Off-brand Ozempic, Zepbound and Other Weight Loss Products Carry Undisclosed Risks University of Connecticut Al Roker won't 'judge anybody' who uses Ozempic for weight loss: 'Unlike any other addiction' New York Post Can drinking supplement-infused coffee help with weight loss? Women's Health UK Diabetes and weight loss medications: Separating myths from facts Tahoe Daily Tribune Is Ozempic the modern wonder drug? All the conditions the weight loss jab can tackle — from addiction to Alzheimer’s New York Post Serena Williams Unveils Love-Hate Relationship With “Scales” in Highly Relatable Take On Her Weight-Loss Journey EssentiallySports |
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