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Weight Loss Information from experts |
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Serious Dieting Tips, Humorous Explanations
A few months ago, I set out to lose 22.6 pounds, then to put back on at least half of it. Huh? Anybody who's ever found herself stuck on a yo-yo diet is probably thinking that I am either crazy or planning way too hard for the inevitable yo-yo heartaches. However, my plan is more sneaky than that. First, I want to lose this rubber tire I've been carrying around my waist. Have you ever gotten stuck inside a rubber tire? It's not a pretty site. Then, I want to put back some of that weight in the form of muscle. It's my grand master plan to change my shape from looking like a silly pear to looking like an upside down silly pear. Will it work? I think I have the "silly" part figured out. And so far, I have lost14.6 pounds, but I think I really lost a few more, because I have been getting ahead of schedule on adding those muscle pounds. I would love to tell you what my weight is now, but that's very private information. Why should it be so private? I am not 100% certain, but I believe it is so that people can easily move between Earth and the Moon without being detected by hidden scales. (Why people keep their age private is the subject of my column on aging gracefully at http://www.thehappyguy.com/aging-gracefully.html .) While there is more to healthy dieting than a few tips, these ten dieting tips should help you laugh away a few pounds (What a great way to lose!). Hint: the tips are serious; the explanations are not. Tip #1: Never eat before bed. This is just common sense. It is so much more fun to eat IN bed. Tip #2: Bake, don't fry. This is also common sense. Baking allows you to retain more friendships. When you bake in the sun, you get a nice tan and go for a dip in the pool to cool off with your friends. But when you fry, you get a sunburn and don't dare go in the shower for a week...which scares your friends away. Tip #3: Drink plenty of water before meals. This will help you eat less during the meal. After all, few people can over-eat consistently while rushing off to the bathroom. Tip #4: Don't taste-test while you cook. Many cooks taste their dishes several times while cooking to make sure the flavor is just right. Over a lifetime, the typical cook who takes such measures will put on 13.4 pounds. Worse still, tasting your cooking in advance deprives you of entertaining facial scrunches when your family tastes your untested recipes. (Remember that laughter is a great way to burn calories?) Tip #5: Don't eat what your kids leave behind. Admit it, after your kids leave the table, you gather up the food they leave behind. You just can't bear to throw it away because you know that it's enough to feed a small, famished African country. So you eat a "second supper" out of guilt. How can you be so heartless?! Send the leftover food to that small, famished African country. Tip #6: Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are not all that bad for you, if you eat them in moderation. But stay away from those dreaded peanut butter and jellyfish sandwiches. Tip #7: Blot your pizza to remove 17% of the saturate fats. If you blot it really well, you can remove 100%. Of course, an empty plate might require a spicier sauce... Tip #8: No snacking in front of the TV. Get up. Right now. No snacking in front of my TV. I don't want crumbs on my living room carpet. Tip #9: Schedule your exercise. It's true, if you don't schedule it, your exercise will get pushed aside by things you do schedule. I suggest scheduling it during office meetings, dental appointments and reality TV shows. You wouldn't want to miss anything important, would you? Tip #10: This is a good one. Why, because #10 on any top-ten list is always a good one. Ten is a great number. So tip #10 is to celebrate every ten pounds lost by preparing a triple chocolate double-dip cheesecake supreme ice cream parfait deluxe. Go ahead and drool. You deserve it. And if you think preparing it is fun, just wait until you lose another 50 pounds ... and have permission to actually eat it. I hope these tips help you. On a serious note, most people will lose a significant amount of weight if they follow these ten tips along with watching their calories according to any popular healthy dieting plan. Well...almost. You might not want to follow tip #6. You will probably lose fewer pounds eating jelly than you would eating jellyfish. About The Author David Leonhardt writes about happy thoughts at http://www.TheHappyGuy.com , positive thinking at http://www.TheHappyGuy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html and tearing down your house at http://www.thehappyguy.com/home-improvement-project.html ... so why not write about dieting?
MORE RESOURCES: Nutritionist shares ‘magic drink’ recipe to melt belly fat faster and boost metabolism naturally | Health Hindustan Times ‘Remember the Titans’ and ‘My Name Is Earl’ Star Ethan Suplee Shows Off Dramatic 250-Lb. Weight Loss People.com Alia Bhatt lost weight with Intermittent Fasting; US doctor shares if the method is safe and how to do i The Times of India Exclusive: Bill Gates, PAHO consider ways to bring weight-loss drugs to lower-income countries Reuters 'Curious Conversations' podcast: Webster Santos talks about drug discovery and weight loss Virginia Tech News Ozempic and similar weight loss drugs may impact medical imaging results Radiology Business In this state, obesity is a major problem. But a new GLP-1 benefit is failing to catch on. USA Today Study: Human Coaches Paired with AI Programs Promote Greater Weight Loss DBusiness Magazine Video New research looks at potential of GLP-1 drugs and addiction ABC News - Breaking News, Latest News and Videos Prediabetes can be reversed: Study reveals how fat distribution, not dramatic weight-loss holds the key to The Economic Times GLP-1s Support Weight Loss, Symptom Relief in Psoriasis, Hidradenitis Suppurativa The American Journal of Managed Care® (AJMC®) Weight loss medicines like Ozempic could treat alcohol and drug addiction, new research suggests The Times of India Melissa McCarthy Puts Dramatic Weight Loss On Display After Allegedly Losing Another 20lbs yahoo.com Maintaining Incremental Weight Loss and Diets: David Rometo, MD The American Journal of Managed Care® (AJMC®) Hy-Vee pharmacy to sell weight-loss drugs Ozempic, Wegovy at about 50% off - The Des Moines Register Hy-Vee pharmacy to sell weight-loss drugs Ozempic, Wegovy at about 50% off The Des Moines Register Insurers adapt to climate change and GLP-1s lombardodier.com Diane Keaton’s Close Friend Details Dramatic Weight Loss Before Death: ‘She Was Very Thin’ Us Weekly Oral GLP-1 drug promotes substantial weight loss in trial Cornell Chronicle State: Wilson County woman claimed $87,000 in fraudulent insurance claims, stole weight loss drugs WRAL.com Video Illegal counterfeit weight loss drugs on the rise, as authorities struggle to keep up ABC News - Breaking News, Latest News and Videos Costco to Sell Popular Weight-Loss Drugs Ozempic and Wegovy The New York Times Rhode Island considers ending Medicaid coverage of GLP-1 drugs for weight loss Rhode Island Current Life after GLP-1s: How to sustain weight loss KevinMD.com Weight loss drug stigma shows society still holds negative attitudes towards body weight and obesity The Conversation 9 Paths Beyond Ozempic: Pills, Programs and Policy Woman's World Higher dose of semaglutide increases weight loss, metabolic benefits: Newsroom UT Southwestern Medical Center Woman reveals ‘terrible side-effect' she ‘never saw coming’ after taking popular weight loss drug UNILAD Weight Management & Obesity Program (Adult) University of Michigan Health TRICARE Coverage of Weight Loss Medications: What To Know TRICARE Newsroom (.mil) From a humble beginning to a net worth of Rs 300 crore and drastic weight loss – Kapil Sharma’s journey and shocking transformation The Times of India What to know about the world of counterfeit weight loss drugs sold online Good Morning America FTC Sends Refunds to Consumers Harmed by Weight-loss Supplement Marketer’s Deceptive Claims and Review Practices Federal Trade Commission (.gov) Q&A: TRICARE For Life Coverage of Weight Loss Medications TRICARE Newsroom (.mil) Jeremy Clarkson's health struggles from 'urgent' hospital treatment to weight loss drugs Yahoo News UK Weight Management Clinic (Pediatric) University of Michigan Health Jonah Hill continues flaunting major weight loss on movie set after shocking fans with new look Page Six Weight loss patients fret over FDA limits on off-brand drugs The Detroit News Jennifer Lopez reveals 'very thin' frame as she showcases dramatic weight loss in new film HELLO! Magazine Bai Lu says mysterious illness caused her drastic weight loss Yahoo Lifestyle Singapore Bill Gates targets low-income nations to expand access to weight-loss drugs Business Insider Africa Weight loss methods and risk of depression: Evidence from the NHANES 2005-2018 cohort ScienceDirect.com Cysteine restriction plays key role in weight loss National Institutes of Health (NIH) | (.gov) Weight loss program winner from Nevada shares her story Pahrump Valley Times Study: Are Weight Loss Drugs Dangerous for People with Asthma? American Lung Association Weight loss drugs may be affecting fertility, but not in the way you may think michiganmedicine.org |
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