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How Not To Lose Weight
Who really wants to lose weight? None of us, right? How much fun is it to be on a diet, deprived of all you really want and need when there is a McDonald's, Krispy Kreme or Baskin and Robbins right around the corner calling out your name? Learn to love what you've got, get more (and bigger portions) out of life and let all the skinny people fend for themselves! Following is our guide to not losing weight: 1. Drive Everywhere You Go. God gave us cars for a reason - so that we would never have to walk another step unless we wanted to! Forget about buying or using a bike, motorcycle or your own two feet. Drive everywhere you need to go - even if it's just around the block. 2. Never Take The Stairs. All those exercise books are always advising us to 'take the stairs instead of the elevator'. Can they spell c-o-n-v-e-n-i-e-n-c-e? Elevators get us to where we need to be quickly and efficiently - and that's good enough for us. Use stairs only in case of an emergency. 3. Eat Whatever You Want. There is so much wonderful variety in today's foods - we have fast food, gourmet food, pastries, fried foods, seafood, beef, fish and poultry - how can you restrict your eating to just one or two things? Eat whatever you want - enjoy yourself and worry about the consequences tomorrow. 4. Exercise, Shmexercise! Exercise - who needs it? You probably get enough exercise in your daily life as it is - chasing after the kids, doing housework, keeping up with your appointments, going to church, and all that driving around has to burn off some calories, right? So, don't worry about it - the last thing you need to do at the end of a hard day of work is drag yourself to the gym. Work hard, rest harder. 5. Watch As Much Television As You Can. What does watching television have to do with not losing weight? Watching television goes hand in hand with one of our favorite activities - snacking! We get to snack on such wonderful things as tv dinners, popcorn, potato chips, cookies, and my personal favorite - chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream! Hmm, hmm, makes me hungry just thinking about it. So, pull up to Extreme Makeover, pull out that bag of popcorn and snack away! 6. Never Count Calories, Fat Grams or Carbs. Who has time to read all those labels anyway? You know if something is good, right? You don't need a label to tell you that. And fat grams and carbs? Forget about it - the government can't even decide what's healthy anymore and what's not. Good carbs, bad carbs, who can keep up? Eat what tastes good and let God sort out the rest. And, finally: 7. Never Weigh Yourself! This is the final and most important step - never get on that scale! Don't even buy a scale (and if you already have one - throw it out)! Because, if you do, you will find that doing all the above things will not only cause you not lose weight, but you will in fact gain weight. But, by not buying a scale, you won't be aware of that fact until your clothes no longer fit, your blood pressure goes up or until your cholesterol shoots sky high! But, until that time, leave the scale and the calorie counting behind you in your quest to not lose weight! (In case you haven't figured it out - this article is in no way meant to be serious. It is simply our ironic way of pointing out the countless excuses we use to remain overweight, our refusal to diet and our lack of motivation in incorporating exercise into our daily lives. Stay turned for my next (and more serious) article in this series - Simple Ways to Lose Weight. Until then - Be Blessed!) Sonya C. Triggs is a contributing writer to Urban Christianz Ministries. Visit this website to get practical advice about every day spirituality, dating, relationships and becoming closer to God.
MORE RESOURCES: Podcast: A checkup on weight-loss drugs Reuters.com How to lose stubborn belly fat before wedding: Nutritionist shares simple weight loss plan to shed 2-3 kg in 10 days Hindustan Times Weight Loss Drugs Changed Their Lives. Then They Lost Coverage. The New York Times Stanford Scientists Rewrite the Ketosis Rulebook: Metabolites That Suppress Hunger and Promote Weight Loss SciTechDaily FDA approves Zepbound® (tirzepatide) as the first and only prescription medicine for moderate-to-severe obstructive sleep apnea in adults with obesity Investors | Eli Lilly and Company Weight Loss Drug Tirzepatide Now Approved for Sleep Apnea in Adults With Obesity AJMC.com Managed Markets Network Novo’s CagriSema Blunder Underscores Sky-High Investor Expectations for Weight Loss Drugs - BioSpace Are Weight-Loss Drugs Causing a Rift in Your Relationship? We Want to Hear About It. The New York Times Meghan Trainor Says This Strength Routine 'Changed' Her Life Women's Health FDA reaffirms Eli Lilly weight-loss drug is no longer in shortage The Washington Post Risks of weight loss medication breaks FOX 13 Seattle Is Viking Therapeutics, Inc. (VKTX) the Best Weight Loss Stock to Buy Now According to Hedge Funds? Yahoo Finance Wellness Wednesday: Weight loss resolutions newschannel20.com FDA Approves Weight-Loss Drug Zepbound for Sleep Apnea The Daily Beast THIS weight-loss drug becomes first to gain approval for treating sleep apnea; details here | Mint Mint Novo Crashes 18% After Next-Gen Obesity Drug Misses Its Mark Investor's Business Daily Novo Nordisk stock plunges 20% after a trial of its latest weight loss drug disappoints Markets Insider Best way to avoid weight gain when eating out: Nutritionist reveals clever restaurant hack; says you should drink... Hindustan Times FDA confirms shortage of weight loss drug tirzepatide is over, gives compounders a grace period STAT Reason behind Diddy's drastic weight loss behind bars as lonely Christmas approaches - The Mirror US IBD 50's Hims Tumbles On Bad News For Weight-Loss Drug Investor's Business Daily Opinion: Weight-loss drugs are great, but real food still matters Los Angeles Times Weight loss drugs are getting people to the doctor. Now comes the wave of long-ignored diagnoses Quartz Lilly's Zepbound® (tirzepatide) superior to Wegovy® (semaglutide) in head-to-head trial showing an average weight loss of 20.2% vs. 13.7% Investors | Eli Lilly and Company US obesity rates drop for 1st time in a decade, with possible help from weight loss medications ABC News WHO scientists endorse weight loss drugs for controlling obesity: What does it mean for therapies? The Indian Express Diddy stuns with dramatic ‘weight loss, grayer’ look at new court hearing, reporter claims Hindustan Times |
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